If you are sure you want to end your marriage, then you will need to tell your spouse. That is if you have not made the decision jointly. If you think the news will come as a shock to them, then it is important to think carefully about how you will tell them.
Here are some suggestions:
1. Be conscious of safety
First, you need to prioritize safety. That means your safety, their safety, and the safety of others, such as your children. For example, don’t break the news when your spouse is driving the family down the freeway, as the distraction it could cause to them could end in tragedy.
If you fear your spouse might react aggressively, you might need to consider telling them from a distance. Some people find it best to pack up their things and their children and escape somewhere their spouse cannot easily find them when domestic abuse has been a feature of their marriage. You might want guidance first if you do intend to take the children, as that in itself could create legal problems for you.
2. Be considerate
Secondly, you need to be considerate. The news will likely be hard enough for your spouse to take without it making other aspects of their life more complicated, too. For instance, don’t tell your spouse when they are prepping hard for a big business meeting or important exam.
3. Be sensitive
Think about which dates are important for your spouse and any children you have. Announcing your intention to divorce on your spouse’s birthday would be cruel, as would doing so on your child’s graduation day or birthday. You don’t want them to associate what should be a happy day with what will likely be an unhappy memory.
Learning more about how the divorce will work can help you learn more about the conversations you will need to have, be it now or in the near future.